Gardening with Pain - And it feels so Good!

Ok, so I just finished "weeding" 9 Agave Americana Variegata pups out of one of my 2 patio pots. So many pups were squeezing out the mama plants and they were both starting to look forlorn. Time to wean all these babies off the main Agaves.

The pots are too big for me to easily move so I decided to take my wee work stool and trash bag (empty cactus mix bags make great trash bags after) to the pot. Keep it simple, save my shoulders, follow easiest course of action! Of course the mid morning sun added to the joy since both pots were sitting directly in it.

An hour later, sweat dripping off my head like I just ran the 1 mile derby as a thoroughbred and only one pot done... Not to mention the numerous spider egg sacs I removed and the guilt I replaced with pleasure when i saw the large gnarly looking brown and black spider that climbed off the pot eventually... I helped her off to a planted rock so as not to engage in a turf war.

Where does pain come into play in all of this? Well for starters one "weaned" pot was just enough for me to realize now was a good time to stand back up before my knees totally locked and reality set in that my husband wasn't home today to help me get up. The fact that both my digging tools broke making the task more complicated was additional incentive.

But the pain in my knees still felt good. You see I can get this pain sitting too long doing nothing as well. Or sitting too long at my computer and then my hips rebel by refusing to work or I have to push on my sac joints with my fingers with each step I take.

So coping with the pain I get ANYWAY is sweet when it comes with accomplishment.

Let's stop and stare at that sentence for a moment. Break it down. Pain is sweet? Yup. Mean's I'm still alive. I'm still going. I'm still putting in the good fight.

Today I did not give in to my Crohn's Colitis, My Ankylosing Spondylitis or my Fibromyalgia. Today my "eases" are just there. I acknowledge them, work with them and then frankly ignore that I have them.

My mantra for the month of July is "Accept What Is". Accept the pain and garden anyway. Because gardening gives me something pain tries to take away. Joy. Soul nurturing joy.

If you have a chronic illness or two or three (deep hearty head shaking laugh) do life anyway. Accept What is...find your joy.

Thinking in between thoughts

What is the point of blogging really? My gosh if I blogged all my thoughts there would be too much stuff online. And yet so many people tend to do just that. And so again I ask, What is the point?

Sorta like what is the point to keeping buying so much stuff that people no longer use their garages to park a car but to store a bunch of junk in boxes.

Overload, overwhelmn, overdone! So today I am reviewing the many blogs I have that I no longer write for and am making the difficult choice of cutting them loose.

I love to write, I love to share but really, again what is the point. For me there must be one to contribute to the giant internet without it just being junk that gets thrown into a garage.

A Break In The Day still has a purpose. This wee blog wins out. My poetry blog still has a purpose it gets to stay. My blogging on love immigrants and success abroad shall be retired. My general business blog I think may get revamped to focus on stress relief/creating sanctuary.

In the meantime, purpose is important and life is for fun. Laugh and enjoy it.

Glad to see the back of 2006

So it's 2007 - feeling much better so far this year. Hope that continues. Sadly when I tried to phone my youngest sister on the Dec 21st for her birthday the phone number was disconnected. So Susie call me someday.

Maarten is loving his new job. I hope to find some new inspirations and get motivated in new directions this year.

Happy New 2007 to all.

Meeting the Biological Paternal side

Create Your Own!

Holey Moley Panic Attack Party!

Man oh mighty man have I been going through it this last week. We fly out tonight and tomorrow I will meet much of my biological family on my paternal side. Father, Aunt, Uncle, cousins.

On top of which I have had additional phone contact with my youngest sister Susie, part of this family. I will probably go up to see her again in a few weeks after no contact for many years.

So everynight I seem to have panic attack symptoms. They last hours and hours. And if I'm lucky I fall asleep sometime in the wee hours of the next day.

Whoever doubts the power of stress is stupid. Simply put. Truth.

Ok next week is coming up!

Wow, well building on the Sister Sister post I have some wild news!

Next Thursday I am going to meet my biological father for the first time!

I am going to a first cousins wedding and my Aunt Margarets birthday. Margaret is my bio fathers sister. So I will be meeting all of them at the wedding of my cousin Jennifer.

Thank god Maarten is going to attend with me. Even at 42 this brings up a lot of emotions for me. It is always intense to meet people from the same gene pool! When I lived in Holland I was struck by how family resemblance was so strong.

I have always had a fascination in studying children and parents faces. Something I think that comes from finding out I was adopted at the age of 5.

So no doubt barring anything really dramatic I will probably have a good post next Sunday and pictures as well.

At the very least it will put some final closure on this chapter of my life.

My Aunt Margaret is however terminally ill and so I pray she will be well for her daughters wedding and I am quite excited to hear about my Italian heritage and see photographs of my ancestors.

I will probably be inspired to write a poem or two over all of this and you can read about those at my new Poof, A Poem blog.

Sista Sista

Has anyone heard the story of the 3 sisters Susan?

Ja, Ja dat is goed!

Well. I was born Susan and then put up for adoption later. My mother went on to have another daughter and with great curiosty named this wee lass Susan as well and kept her. The name is a family name. We have an Aunt Susan and a grandmother Susan I believe.

Well the "seed" provider or my biological dad, Ed went on to marry years later and he, unaware of me, had a little girl and named her... drum roll please... Susan.

Now remember I was adopted. So at age 18 when I "found" my bio mum and sister I became aware of the Susan connection.

Years later I found my bio dad and eventually years after that I found Susie. hmmm around 1995.

Yesterday I tried to call my youngest sister again after losing contact with her when I moved to Europe.

No answer. Wish me success and good thoughts.

I would someday like to have a reunion with the 3 sisters Susan.